Tuesday, July 28, 2009

#376

"So get up out my face, you doo-doo-head dummy."
- Arab, Yahhh by Soulja Boy Tell Em

This is the normal way to deal with people... in pre-K. To clarify, yes this is actually said in a song.

Filed under: So immature it's unbelievable

Thursday, July 23, 2009

#375

"I'm so Three Thousand and Eight, you're so Two Thousand and Late."
- Fergie, Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas

See ya.

Filed under: See ya

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

#374

"Call me 'Mr. Shoppin' Bag Drizzy'... and call me 'Mr. Damn He Ain't Coppin' That Is He?'."
- Drake, Successful

Nurse at the doctor's office: Okay, Mr.... Damn He Ain't Coppin' That Is He... (sigh). Follow me.

Filed under: Too Long

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

#373

"I exchange V-cards with the retards."
- Mack Maine, Every Girl by Lil Wayne

This shouldn't be a sentence that has been said, but I guess it happened now, so...

Filed under: YIKES

Friday, July 17, 2009

#372

"I'ma be the first hustler that set up shop on Jupiter."
- E 40, Hustle

Nobody is going to do business with you on Jupiter.

Filed under: Too far away / Would die instantly

Thursday, July 16, 2009

#371

"I got more hos than the O-Zone."
- Silkk The Shocker, My Car

The O-Zone doesn't have hos, so this is just bad proof.

Filed under: Would be a terrible lawyer / Bad example

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

#370


"Suck a nigga dick or somethin'. Suck a nigga dick or somethin'. Suck a nigga dick or somethin'. Suck a nigga dick or somethin'."
- Juicy J, Slob On My Knob by Three 6 Mafia

Frankly, I think the best thing to remember when ordering people around like this is to just try and stick to your guns and to keep your confidence up in your own plan.

If we took a poll, I think most people would choose "Or something" over the first option.

Filed under: Insecure/Bad team leader

Monday, July 13, 2009

#369


"Everybody do the 'Throw It In The Bag'."
- Fabolous, Throw It In The Bag

Dear rappers,
Please stop developing new dances and moves that have really dumb names that make me feel more stupid SAYING the name of the dance than actually doing the dance.
Thanks,
Fuckin' Everybody

I mean for real? Do the "Throw It In The Bag"?!?!?!?!

Hey Fabolous, do yourself a favor and throw that jacket and belt in the bag. Then throw that bag in the trash. Thanks.

Filed under: Trying so goddamn hard

Sunday, July 12, 2009

#368


"I love the cutie pies, never the doody pies."
- Guru of Gangstarr, Discipline

Uhhhh... you're seven. See ya.

Could you imagine referring to an ugly woman as a "doody pie" like to other adults?

Filed under: Seven

#367


"Scored like 10 on my I.Q. test."
- Camp Lo, Black Nostaljack A.K.A. Come On

Filed under: Fuckin' idiot / way too overboard on an exaggeration

#366

"All black Maybach, I'm sitting in the asshole."
- Lil Wayne, Maybach Music 2 by Rick Ross

This is a really bad description of sitting in a car. And when I say bad, I mean terrible. In fact, there's really only one way to say you're sitting in a car, and it's not "I'm sitting in the asshole."

Filed under: Doesn't know how to use words to say something / Bad around children / Crass for no reason

#365

"They know I got that broccoli, so I keep that glock on me."
- Young Jeezy, Put On

Not sure what's better... calling your stash broccoli or making it rhyme with "glock on me".

Monday, July 6, 2009

#364

"The new Benz is all white, call it John McCain."
- Maino, All The Above

Maino: Check it out, there's John McCain.
Somebody: What?! Where?
Maino: Right there, that white Mercedez... my new car.
Somebody: I can't be your friend because you do things like that.

Filed under: Worst metaphor

Friday, July 3, 2009

#363

"Know a nigga healthy 'cause my Cutlass look like carrot juice."
- Young Dro, Man in the Trunk

Young Dro's Doctor: So let's make this easy. No need for a physical. Where's your garage?

Filed under: Worst reasoning

Thursday, July 2, 2009

#362

"Make your chest look just like some pizza."
- Pharrell, Already Platinum by Slim Thug

So, you're going to shoot me and I'm going to have holes in my chest and those holes are going to look like pepperoni... ?

This is kind of... a stretch.

Filed under: Not gangster

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

#361

"I fucks pianos."
- Rick Ross, Pushing Keys

#360

"You a big fine horse."
- Webbie, Gimme Dat

In case you were wondering, this is something you can't say to a chick.

Filed under: Not going to get a second date