Thursday, August 27, 2009

#405


"So if you're at a show in the front row, I'ma call you a bitch or dirty-ass ho."
- MC Ren, Straight Outta Compton by N.W.A.

Usually the front row seats are the most expensive. Probably not in this case.

At least with Gallagher you just get watermelon on you.

Filed under: No fan appreciation whatsoever

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

#404

"All I do is eat, shit, and think about success."
- Big Sean, Desire, Want, & Need

Filed under: WON'T BE SUCCESSFUL!

D'Elia: Yeah, if you're only eating, shitting, and thinking about success... you won't make a dollar. Unless you're talking about like the "having friends" kind of success... which still doesn't translate. Because who the fuck wants to hang out with a guy who's always just eating and shitting?

Filed under: Basically a dog

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

#403

"I'm the kind of nigga that'll kidnap your kids, take 'em home, fuck 'em good, and send 'em back to you in bandages."
- Keith Nut, Watch Out by Fat Joe

OH.

Then you're going to have trouble keeping friends and getting people to trust you and all that stuff. Can you imagine trying to get a job ten years after making this song?

"You have most of the qualifications we are looking for but we're just going to have to go with the other guy."
"Is this because of when I said I'd fuck your kids... and stuff?"
"One hundred percent."

Also, what's up with "Fuck 'em good"? It's not like it's going to be enjoyable for the kids.

Filed under: Worst guy ever

Monday, August 24, 2009

#402


"Put that mayonnaise on your child."
- Plies, Becky

This is either the most crass way of a man explaining having an orgasm with a woman...

or Plies is the worst babysitter ever.

Filed under: Worst babysitter / so goddamn crass

Sunday, August 23, 2009

#401


"Take a look in the mirror say 'What's up?'"
- Soulja Boy Tell Em, Turn My Swag On

Looking in the mirror and saying "What's up?" to yourself...

I'm pretty sure that's the most depressing, loneliest thing you can do as a human being.

Can you imagine walking by, seeing yourself, and then saying, "Hey dude."

Filed under: So lonely / no friends

Friday, August 21, 2009

#400

"The Sinatra of my day — Ole' Blue Eyes, my nigga, I did it my way."
- Jay-Z, Hola Hovito

Something tells me you're not all that much like Frank Sinatra.

Filed Under: Not like Frank Sinatra at all / just adding words to his lyrics

#399


"Keep your posse on my penis."
- Lejo, Now It's On by Tech N9ne

There is nothing gayer... Nothing.

I mean, like, even some gay dudes wouldn't want a whole group of people on their penis.

Filed under: Gay with a lot of dudes

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

#398

"They call me the 'Dunn Dunn'... done done it all."
- Shawty Lo, Dunn, Dunn

Who's they?

Filed under: Didn't happen

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

#397


"I'm a choo-choo."
- DJ Quik, Ohh!

Filed under: Two years old

#396


"Move... if you wanna."
- Mims, Move (If You Wanna)

I laughed so hard when I first heard this line.

I mean, It's SO insecure to tell somebody to do something and then say "if you wanna" after it. Like step your self-security game up, Mims.

Filed under: So insecure

Monday, August 17, 2009

#395

"I use Crest so ain't no cavity creeps in my grill."
- Dr. Dre, Keep Their Heads Ringin'

Oh really Dr. Dre? What else do you want to tell us during a song that we're listening to that's completely mundane?

Filed under: Who Cares / So boring

#394

"If you wanted to ride my nuts that bad, you should've asked me, mang."
- Lil Wyte, Dangerous Posse by Three 6 Mafia

Can you imagine asking someone this?
"Hey Lil Wyte, can I ride your nuts? I want to really badly."

Filed under: Wouldn't happen / Kinda gay

#393


"Shine like Rudolph. Nigga, fuck Prancer."
- Ice Cube, Doin' What It 'Pose To Do

Filed under: Probably had shitty Christmases in his youth

Friday, August 14, 2009

#392

"Ate your pussy imagining you was somebody else."
- Chino XL, Sorry

So yeah... this relationship is pretty much over. And generally, a good rule of thumb: don't say stuff like this on a song called "Sorry".

Filed Under: SO DISRESPECTFUL

#391


"Young, black, and famous, with money hangin' out the anus."
- Diddy, Can't Nobody Hold Me Down by Diddy

Young? True.
Black? True.
Famous? True.
Money hanging out of his asshole? Nope!

In fact could you imagine if that's true?

Cashier: "Ummm... what is THAT?"
Diddy: "Funny you should ask. You know how I'm black, and famous?"
Cashier: "...Yeah."
Diddy: "All right, well with great power comes great responsibility, right? So, that's shit from my butt on that five."

Filed under: Just plain weird / Coke machines would keep rejecting your money

Thursday, August 13, 2009

#390


"Chain gang, licky with the ban. Quickly spit it rrring. Sicky Ricky get his ziggy bang, snitchin on the gang-gang. Don't forget you get that Uncle Midi. Get him for his chain. Simply give him a chitty bang, sit him in a cling-cling."
- Peedi Crakk, Gotta Have It by Beanie Sigel

Filed under: Uhhh

#389


"Gotta bomb red bitch that I call Al-Queada. She got some bomb-ass head and a bomb-ass cock."
- Killer Mike, In My City

--RECORD SCRATCH!!!
Producer: (Taking headphones off slowly) "Uhhh, yeah... Mike you wanna take that last part again? You know... the part where you kinda--"

Killer Mike: "Yeah, no I know... I don't-- heh-heh. I just... I don't know why I-- Let's just take it from the top, huh?"

Producer: "Yeah... good... umm... idea."

Filed under: Came out of the closet by admitting he has a transvestite fetish

#388

"Diarrhea on you niggas like Niagara Falls."
- Gorilla Zoe, Shit On 'Em

Hey Gorilla Zoe, you're immature. Above: Gorilla Zoe trying to actually diarrhea like Niagara Falls.

Filed under: Worst flu / so immature

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

#387


"Got 10 bathrooms. I could shit all day."
- Lil Wayne, We Be Steady Mobbin

Here's an example of a line that starts kind of cool (I guess), but then ends up turning into an intense session of trying to acquire really bad hemorrhoids.

Houseguest: Where the fuck is Lil Wayne?
Lil Wayne (calling out from the background): "Gimme til tomorrow!"

Filed under: Would just be so bad for your asshole / worst houseguest

#386


"You niggas remind me of a strip club. 'Cause every time you come around it's like, "What? I just gotta get my dick sucked."
- DMX, Party Up (Up In Here)

This line should basically be changed to... "Hi guys, I'm gay."

Filed under: Gay

#385

"Is that your ass or your mama half-reindeer?"
- Nelly, Shake Ya Tailfeather

Uh, good guess... but it's her ass. When would it ever be the second thing?

Filed under: Worst pickup line of all time

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

#384


"Rappers I monkey flip em."
- Nas, NY State of Mind Pt. II

Uhhh... what?

Filed under: Lost his mind

Monday, August 10, 2009

#383


"I'mma tell you like George Bush told me, "Fuck y'all niggas I'm out of here."
- Kanye West, Go Hard

I'm guessing Kanye is probably paraphrasing here.

Because let's face it... if he wasnt, well... we would have heard about it before he rapped it in the fuckin' song Go Hard for Christ's sake.

Filed under: Such a paraphrase / so slanderous

#382

"Now, one night I was at the drive-in and a car full of niggas straight drove in."
- MC Ren, She Swallowed It by NWA

No shit.

Filed Under: Just saying things that would normally happen / filler

Saturday, August 8, 2009

#381

"Kinda flossy, kinda bossy."
- Ice Cube, Until We Rich

This is so insecure. Oh yeah and flossy isn't something.

Filed under: Doesn't have what it takes to be the boss

Thursday, August 6, 2009

#380

"BRRRRRAT BRRRRAT.... Twitter 'dat."
- Chamillionaire, Internet Thugs Attack

Twittering... NOT GANGSTER.

Filed under: Just.... Not gangster, sorry

#379

"Hundred dollar bill, that's a C-note. You got ten of 'em, then that's a G-note."
- Yung Joc, So Fly by Slim

Nuh-uh... Nope. No such thing as a G-NOTE. You're just holding 10 hundreds.

Filed under: Not something / Stop trying to make up stuff

Monday, August 3, 2009

#378

"There was Brenda, Leticia, Linda, Felicia, Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia, Teresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki, Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky, Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor... Tanya, Diane, Lori and Carla, Marina, Selena, Katrina, Sabrina, about three Kims, Latoya, and Tina, Shelley, Bridget, Kathy, Rasheeda, Kelly, Nicole, Angel, Juanita, Stacy, Tracie, Ronna, and Rhonda, Donna, Yolanda, Tawana, and Wanda..."
- DMX, What These Bitches Want

Everyone at the BBQ: "GET TO THE FUCKIN' POOOINT!!!!"

Filed under: Worst storyteller / Just naming girls and saying "ice cream parlor"

Sunday, August 2, 2009

#377


I live by two words, "Fuck you, pay me".
- Kanye West, Two Words

Okay, so first of all... this saying is four words long. So you're an idiot.

But assuming you just mean you live by the words "Fuck you" because those are the first two words you say after "I live by two words"... then I'm pretty sure that soon you will have almost no friends because this is a shitty way to live.

Kanye's friend: "Hey dude, let's go grab a slice."
Kanye: "Fuck you, pay me.
(Kanye's friend in silence)
Kanye: "Sorry bro, you know how I live."

Yeah... Kanye. Soon your life is going to be worse if you keep this up.

Filed under: Most disrespectful way to live / asshole