Tuesday, July 31, 2012

#613

"I don't drink champagne. It make my stomach hurt."

Lil Wayne, Bill Gates

Thank you for the disclosure.

Filed under: pussy

Posted by: Chris Macho

Monday, July 30, 2012

#612

"Medallion so big, think I'm walking with my rims on."
The Game, Big Money
Here's a conversation that never happened:
"Hey is that The Game?"
"Yeah I think it is. Did he take one of his rims off his car and put it around his neck?"
"Definitely."
Filed under: Didn't happen / Neck problems
Posted by: Chris Macho

Sunday, July 29, 2012

#611

"I'm tryna eat like Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal Al-Saud."

Busta Rhymes, Arab Money

Ah yes, I know that diet. Diarrhea city.

Filed under: Worst ambitions

Posted by: Chris Macho

Friday, July 27, 2012

#610


"If I wanna squirt her, take her to Fatburger."
Notorious B.I.G., Going Back to Cali
Freeway, All My Life
If she's cool with you just 'squirting her', why even bother with the Fatburger part?
Filed under: Worst date ever
Posted by: Chris Macho

Thursday, July 26, 2012

#609

"I'm so fly that I shouldn't even walk."

Rick Ross, Diced Pineapples

Doctor: Now Rick, you should stay off your feet for a little while because... well, because of how fly you are.

Filed under: Worst logic

Posted by: Chris Macho

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

#608

"I’m not in the winters of my life or the beginning stage, I am the dragon."
Nas, Nasty
Somebody's been watching too much Game of Thrones!
Filed under: D&D MC
Posted by: Nick Spears

Monday, July 23, 2012

#607

"Waiting on the pizzle, the dizzle, and the chizzle. G's to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo.

Snoop Dogg, Drop It Like It's Hot

Ahhh, got it.

Filed under: What?

Posted by: Chris Macho

Sunday, July 22, 2012

#606

"Now where my alcoholics? Let me see ya hands up. What you drinkin' on?"
Lil Jon, Shots by LMFAO
Hopefully not shots if they're actually alcoholics.
Filed under: Worst AA sponsor
Posted by: Chris Macho

Thursday, July 19, 2012

#605


"Pussy just as hairy as a panda, pink and peppy panther."
Eazy-E, Hit the Hooker
Pandas and panthers aside, how the fuck is a pussy "peppy"???
Filed under: Way too many animals
Posted by: Nick Spears

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

#604

"Kiss my butt, lick 'Frumunda Cheese' from under my nuts."

Eminem, Crack A Bottle

For real, you made a 'Frumunda Cheese' joke on a SONG? Also, "Kiss my 'butt'"???????? Noooooooooo. The old Eminem used to say "I'll shit on you," which is, admittedly, very immature... but at least you used swear words.

Filed under: The most immature rap lyric of all time.

Posted by: Chris Macho

#603

"Ask the shorty. I’m a astronaut."

Flo Rida, Jump

Here's the deal. I don't believe YOU, so I'm certainly not going to believe the chick that's standing next to you (who's definitely just standing there because you're famous).

Filed under: Lying so hard

Posted by: Chris Macho

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

#602

"I'm iced out like a glass of iced tea. Better yet, oatmeal cookies."
Pos, Oooh by De La Soul
This lyric started off dope and then took a sharp left turn.
Filed under: Got carried away while rapping about food
Posted by: Nick Spears

Monday, July 16, 2012

#601


"Always missing breakfast, eating some cereal."
Waka Flocka Flame, Luv Dem Gun
Huh? Are you also always missing dessert, eating some cheesecake?
Filed under: Doesn't quite get it
Posted by: Nick Spears

Sunday, July 15, 2012

#600

"Please Lord forgive him for these niggas not know what they do."

Jay Z, Why I Love You by Kanye West and Jay Z

Just like Jesus said.

Filed under: Failed Sunday school

Posted by: Chris Macho

Friday, July 13, 2012

#599

"I'm a businessman, I ain't tryin to be lyrical."
Cam'Ron, Let Me Know
Well, you're rapping right now which means you're literally being lyrical with what you're saying RIGHT NOW, so it looks like you're fucking up.
Filed Under: Off to a bad start
Posted by: Chris Macho

Thursday, July 12, 2012

#598

"Put some ketchup on your fries, beeitch."

E-40, Ahhhhh Shit

The FUCK do you care how I'm eating my fries?

Filed under: Worst McDonald's Employee

Posted by: Chris Macho

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

#597

"I swear these lights lights lights be talking to me but I can't read Morris code."

Big Sean, All of the Lights Remix by Drake

MORSE. MORSE code. Not MORRIS CODE.

Filed under: Such an idiot.

Posted by: Chris Macho

#596


"Don't make me pull the toys out."
Kanye West, Dark Fantasy
Seven.
Filed under: Seven
Posted by: Chris Macho

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

#595

"Fandango my mandingo."
Childish Gambino, Toxic
This type of statement should never be said by a grown man... UNLESS you're Australian and wearing a hat made of balloons with an empty bottle of whiskey in your hand.
Filed under: Just watched a Crocodile Dundee movie marathon
Posted by: Nick Spears

Monday, July 9, 2012

#594


"I'm the biggest rapper, Google me Expedia."
Rick Ross, Comfortable Remix
No.
Filed under: What the fuck are you even talking about? / Never used the internet
Posted by: Chris Macho

Sunday, July 8, 2012

#593

"Somebody point me to the best ass eater."
Nicki Minaj, Dance (A$$) Remix by Big Sean
You might have to Google Map it, sorry.
Filed under: Worst tourist
Posted by: Chris Macho

Saturday, July 7, 2012

#592


"Y’all walk like that, but I walk like this."
DMX, Who's Real (Remix)
Oh, really DMX? Who gives a shit? That's nothing. Plus we can't see what you're doing because you're saying it in a song.
Filed under: Who Cares?
Posted by: Chris D'Elia

Friday, July 6, 2012

#591

"But since we talking about my dick, all of you haters say hi to it."

Chris Brown, Look At Me Now

Pretty sure you're the one who brought up the subject of your dick here. Also, not saying hi to your dick.

Filed under: Wants to talk about his dick so bad

Posted by: Chris Macho

#590


"With that bowl of bread smaller than the arm of a midget."
Llyod Banks, Touch It by Busta Rhymes
Llyod: Wanna go to Vegas?

Friend: I wish I could, but I'm super midget armin' right now.

Llyod: Ok, another time.
Filed under: Worst Bankteller
Posted by: Nick Spears

Thursday, July 5, 2012

#589


"Know it's me when you see this fur in your area."
Ron Browz, Pop Champagne by Jim Jones
Cough cough -- What the? Why are my allergi-- Oh Ron's here.
Filed under: Not the only one with fur
Posted by: Chris Macho

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

#588

"I am a pickup truck. I am America. I am America. I am a pickup truck. I am America. I am America. La la la la la la la la la la."

Kool A.D., Ek Shaneesh by Das Racist

Here is a man who has lost his mind on the Fourth of July.

Filed under: Lost his mind on Independence Day and is also so drunk

Posted by: Chris Macho

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

#587


"Real niggas just pull up they pants and lean back."
The Game, Higher
Hang on, let me get a pen. I should be writing this stuff down.
Filed under: Not necessarily true
Posted by: Chris Macho

Monday, July 2, 2012

#586


"She make my dick stand like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar."
DJ Paul, I'd Rather by Three 6 Mafia
Stripper: Do you like what you see?

DJ Paul: Eh, it's ok. I mean, I'm only standing at like a Spud Webb.
Filed under: His erection wears goggles and has an insane sky hook
Posted by: Nick Spears

#585

"Before I jump out the window, what's your name?"
Jay-Z, Excuse Me Miss
Filed under: So dramatic / Worst first impression
Posted by: Chris D'Elia